Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
