There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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