My first STD was from a foam party
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
