Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
