But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
