You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
