The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
