sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
