too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
