Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it because I queefed?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
