i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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