so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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