i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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