please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize