The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You made out with two different species that night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
