we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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