I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
