Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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