Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
