I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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