Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
