I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
