We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
