Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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