genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
