too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
