mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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