and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
