I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
