I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
