How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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