Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
