It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
