this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
