thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
