At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
