so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize