Swine flu. Run for my life!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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