Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
