I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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