i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
