ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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