hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Panties = found
Randomize
