i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
