Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A+ Viking dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
