babies were throwing up all over the place
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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