I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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