I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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