bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
