Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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