Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
