I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
