My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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