You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
