where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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