Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
