I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
