break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Holy shit dude........stairs
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
