bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
