a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
