Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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