yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
