There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
