By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
