I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
