I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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