you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
