I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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