My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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