Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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