just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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